If I were president…
- mayonnaise would be illegal
- siestas would be mandatory
- the entire country would have public transportation
- Israel would have to just fucking stop it
- production of all Hummers would stop and all existing Hummers would have their roofs cut off and be used as planters
- pomegranates would be the national snack food
- They Might Be Giants would sing "Dr Worm" before baseball games
- the Bushes would be exiled to Ohio and the borders sealed (let them live with what they've done!)
- anyone harming or abandoning an animal would be exiled to Ohio
- authors of pregnancy guide books would be exiled to Ohio
- TVs would be banned from airport waiting rooms
- Jane Pauley would never be allowed to do another interview
- Eddie Izzard would be my Press Secretary
OH YES!!! YOU HAVE MY VOTE !!!
ReplyDeleteOr homeless people could live in the Hummers.
ReplyDeleteI adore Eddie Izzard, and I'm certain that I saw him leaving a hotel in SoHo last year. Brilliant man. I'm looking forward to hearing about the rest of your cabinet.
tracy
http://durteemartini.blogs.com
i'm with you on almost everything. ohio isn't all bad. they do have the rock and roll hall of fame. i love eddie izzard.
ReplyDeleteYes! Eddie Izzard could sing with TMBG at the ball game, and we'd all take a siesta after!
ReplyDeleteI'm voting for the pregnant woman!
-Katie
You've got my vote too
ReplyDelete