Relaxation is hard work: a preggo meditation

Relaxation techniques and guided imagery can help you immensely during labor. The more you practice it now, they say, the more comfortable with it you will be when the time comes. Lord knows I need practice relaxing. I’ve practiced in birthing class, at home, at preggo yoga. The most difficult place for me to practice it is in exercise class. Splayed on a thin mat too many other bodies have also graced, I attempt to send slack my jaw and breathe loose my thigh muscles…

Feel your body start to sink into the floor. Relax your shoulders, your face. Deep, slow breath. Imagine you are on a bed of soft pillows. Can’t concentrate. The girl in the back is hacking and coughing on leftover flu. Untense your arms, your fingers fall limp. Are you holding tension in your jaw? Part your lips. Release. There is always one. This one stomps around like a horse in her hospital scrub pants and sniffles into her sleeve. Gross. Then belts out whiny questions to the instructor in anything but a lyrical voice. Your eyes are lowered, neither open nor closed. But of course, her name is "Tiffany." You know her. Maybe yours is named "Crystal". Start to feel your lower body gently melt. If we were younger, it would surely be "Brittany". This is exactly why you shouldn’t decide definitively on a name until you meet the baby. Empty your mind. Good. She’s juuuust charming. Rest your legs. Check in with your ankles. Don’t hold onto anything. If you feel thoughts crowding into your head… Oh, damn. Here comes a thought. I’m trying not to think it.…just acknowledge them, and then gently blow them away again. Uh, are you sure?? Thoughts are not good or bad. They just exist. Okay, then. You asked for it…Someone SLEPT with her?!?