you thought it was the diapers…

You knew that creating another human being would to some extent add to the stress on the planet. You thought it had, in part, something to do with disposable diapers. In fact, it has to do with the take out containers that mom and dad go through since they can’t even conceive of having a spare moment, bit of energy, or free hand to cook at home.

You knew that people changed babies’ clothes constantly throughout the day. You thought it had something to do with how the little people spit up, throw up, pee, poop, and otherwise splooge on their outfits. In fact, it’s all about mom and dad spilling their take out dinner on the babies, since they just want to eat in peace and babies apparently scream when put down during dinner.

You’d seen moms walking around town with blankets thrown completely over their babies. You thought it had to do with keeping the sun and wind off of their tiny tykes. In fact, it instead has everything to do with hiding the little critters while walking to get your take out dinner, so not every stranger walking by puts their grubby hands all over your infant.

You figured that baby toys are made in bright colors to attract the baby’s attention and add to his development. In fact, the bright colors are to keep mom and dad awake for week nine of "Experiments in Sleep Deprivation."