Wednesday, November 03, 2004

preggo for prez

If I were president…

- mayonnaise would be illegal
- siestas would be mandatory
- the entire country would have public transportation
- Israel would have to just fucking stop it
- production of all Hummers would stop and all existing Hummers would have their roofs cut off and be used as planters
- pomegranates would be the national snack food
- They Might Be Giants would sing "Dr Worm" before baseball games
- the Bushes would be exiled to Ohio and the borders sealed (let them live with what they've done!)
- anyone harming or abandoning an animal would be exiled to Ohio
- authors of pregnancy guide books would be exiled to Ohio
- TVs would be banned from airport waiting rooms
- Jane Pauley would never be allowed to do another interview
- Eddie Izzard would be my Press Secretary


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Or homeless people could live in the Hummers.

I adore Eddie Izzard, and I'm certain that I saw him leaving a hotel in SoHo last year. Brilliant man. I'm looking forward to hearing about the rest of your cabinet.


Anonymous said...

i'm with you on almost everything. ohio isn't all bad. they do have the rock and roll hall of fame. i love eddie izzard.

Anonymous said...

Yes! Eddie Izzard could sing with TMBG at the ball game, and we'd all take a siesta after!

I'm voting for the pregnant woman!


K3rM1t said...

You've got my vote too

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