Wednesday, July 07, 2010


Honest to god, I was not looking for a fight.

Details. It's all in the DETAILS.

Some EIGHT days ago, I called the funeral home about getting my mom's obituary in. The person we'd worked with wasn't in, but they gave me the email address and assured me he'd get it. I emailed it, along with a question or two. I heard nothing back. Today, I call the funeral home again and get their answering service. Mr Director is out to lunch. She assures me a call back. I then find out from my very helpfully communicative brother that it ran already. Friday. Oh. Okay. Was anyone going to let me knooooowwww? And what about those questions I had?

So I go online to find it. I find it. I think, SHIT, I forgot to include a picture. Had asshole funeral guy ever actually spoken to me, I might have figured out that I had left out this piece. HE DOES THIS ALL THE TIME. Could he not know that perhaps someone who has just experienced the death of someone close to them night need some more assistance? Since it's his, uh, JOB. The kind of assistance he swore to offering while we stood in front of him and signed the estimated bill?? Or possibly, I dunno, a response saying he bloody GOT the stupid email???? Okay. No picture.

Then I read the copy. THE BASTARD CHANGED TWO OF MY SENTENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of them, so that it reads as if Mike and I have the same last name, which – I fucking hate to break it to you again, America, WE DON'T.

There are battles to pick from, and let me tell you, a long time ago I picked this one. MY NAME. My name is my name is my name. Learn to spell it. Learn to say it. Learn to love it. I am kind of invested in it. I have reasons, very personal, important ones for caring about my name. My first name is Kathryn. That's K-A-T-H-R-Y-N. Not a C or an E to be found. REALLY. Not even if you want one there. And my last name is NOT my husband's last name. I could give a RAT'S ASS how you feel about that. If there's something that would imply caring LESS than a RAT'S ASS, then, THAT is what I want to say here. It is for me to choose and everyone else to RESPECT..

Dear Mr. Funeral Director:

I am 1) a grieving family member and 2) a writer. Therefore, it would be in your best interest NOT TO FUCK WITH MY WRITING.

What kind of ballsy bastard just takes it on himself to randomly edit someone else's obituary ??????

So when you finally do send a message back to me instead of extending me the professional courtesy of calling, and include (ironically) the proof of the obituary from the newspaper as an attachment, why not misspell my mother's name on the attachment, too? Just for good measure.

I can remember approaching my grandparents' grave for the first time with a healthy dose of trepidation. I was afraid their name would be spelled wrong on the gravestone. Experience is a strong teacher. Luckily, that one was correct.

In my family, I get the angry label. I'm the angry one. So now I get to play into their expectations once again. Whatever I do will fulfill them. Fine. Then for the sake of not rocking the boat any fucking more, I'd love to play the part. They can think what they want to and bite me. Something tells me if I wasn't their sister, and one of their friends was pissed as hell about someone fucking up their mother's obituary, they'd be sympathetic, empathetic even. Tell me just this: What do I do with this feeling? Where do I put this?


Dianne said...

do you want me to drive down there and beat the shit out of the asshole?
I have a cane, I can crack open skulls with a single blow
and then I could watch the sawdust fall out of his fucking stupid, lazy head
I would take pictures of course and e-mail them to you immediately

many people tell me rage is unhealthy
I say anger for anger's sake is unhealthy
rage at stupid, lazy assholes who change names is good
it is acceptable
it is necessary even

by the way
we're still holding hands ya know so I'll tighten my grip a wee bit

Daryl said...

Right here. Boy I think we were separated at birth .. and if anyone tells you to calm down or not to shout tell them I will come kick the fucking shit out of them ... AAAAAAAARGH.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

OK now I'm pissed and want to kick his ass! This jackass is in for the ass chewing of his life and rightly so. I think he needs to do something to make this right.

Kitty said...

Whew. Thanks!!! Your support is greatly appreciated. My army is forming!

I got very little satisfaction talking to him this morning - I'm just another crazy family member, another work glitch for him... But I got him to agree to reprint the obit correctly AND to donate the cost of the obituary to the Nature Conservancy Gulf Coast Restoration Fund. We'll see how well he follows through. I checked I'm an asshole dot com just to see if his picture would pop up, (I really did) but no, just porn.

christopher said...

He is a jerk and oblivious to, or passive aggressive, regarding boundaries.

With me, all emotions, whether anger or otherwise go on high alert when those around me are asleep.

Sorry to hear about your mom's passing.

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